Last night was one of those nights. Those nights when your baby wakes up crying continually for no apparent reason and then you get in a silly fight with your exhausted husband at 3am and then neither of you can go back to sleep for a good hour and a half and then when you finally do, you have the most terrifying dreams of your life, and then you get up really early to start your work day.
And I'm so inclined to feel angry, grumpy, and whiny today that I think it's a really good time to institute a "blog week" I've been mulling over for a while.
A document that I consider both sacred and directed to me individually has instructed me to "see only the good in people" that I may "hear only the good from people." And that if I do this, my "life will be better, the world will look more beautiful, people will look more beautiful."
I have a confession. The above instruction was given to me many years ago (like over a decade ago) and I have yet to try that particular portion out. Apparently I'm not very interested in a better life on a beautiful world inhabited by beautiful people (not those beautiful people). Am I crazy?
I find myself usually doing the exact opposite--looking for the bad in people and hearing only the bad from people. Okay, not always, but it's definitely my default mode. It's a mode that's fueled mainly by a strange mix of insecurity and pride (but aren't those always mixed?) with a dash of stubbornness, sarcasm, and some other nasty "s" word, I'm sure. Skepticism! There it is. My life motto is "expect the worst and be pleasantly surprised if things turn out okay."
Well, I'm starting to learn that expectations can be self-fulfilling prophecies. And life is little more than how we perceive it. And I'm not just talking about making lemonade from lemons here. Making the most of a bad situation is important, but I'm also interested in changing the fundamental way in which I approach each day.
So, this is my challenge to myself for the next seven days: see good in people, hear good from people. Write about it. A small step, but frankly a bigger one than I've ever before taken (isn't that sad?).
Oh, and the above picture? It's from a year or two ago and it's of Josh and I doing the grungiest, most strenuous job we've ever done in our house--cleaning out the scary dungeon of a basement storeroom. But it was also kind of fun. We got to wear funny masks and be dirty together.
p.s. For the record, I do think it's okay to be down and sad sometimes. It is possible to be unhealthily cheerful--unhealthy because false cheerfulness can be used as a way to ignore problems rather than face them. That's not what I'm proposing to do. I think you can "see the good" and still feel depressed on occasion.
p.p.s. Please don't confuse my fault-finding attitude with a critical attitude (in the academic sense). The latter is a vital skill, one that I would never attempt to dispense with.
4 comments:
Wo crappy night!
That is a cool challenge. It'll be fun to read about. In some ways I do the very same thing, I think it is, in a sense, self preservation or something, except it's a double edged sword.
Look forward to reading about it.
I TOTALLY know what you mean Rachel, about needing a change and making one happen. I'm in the middle of exactly that right now and you're right, IT IS WORK!! I hope you'll choose to blog what you do. I've made myself a deal that I would post a blog each day for a week for the same purpose. To work through issues. I love the picture, its truly indicative of what you're about to do, get down and dirty with the truth of the issue.
wow Rachel. Very cool and honest. To figure this out at your young age is a gift. I started figuring this out about 3 years ago. What a pity since I am 52. But I try not to look back with regret. You know how critical I have been in the past, my mother was too. I think that truthfully, when one is hard on others, one is also very hard on oneself and that is a difficult way to live.
ps-that is a GREAT picture of you two. your and Joshés eyes look beautiful.
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