Purposeful Living: Artistically

Remember this post? Me neither.

Not really. I've been ruminating, but not writing. But now I'm ready to write on this topic at least. At this rate, I'll get through writing about what purposeful living in 2009 means for me by 2010. But that's okay--I'm hoping these will be longer-term "life directions" (can you tell I've been reading the Beats?) than something to try for a mere 12 months.

If Art was a guy, I'd describe our relationship as uneven but mostly rocky. It started out okay. When I was young, I was quite enamored of him, especially as he manifested himself at the Prado when I was 8 and in my drawings and paintings throughout elementary school, maybe even junior high. But then I hit high school and Art and I lost touch. He was so elusive and indefinable, and I was drawn to areas in which I naturally excelled, areas of study requiring memorization and analysis. Besides the requisite design class and the inescapable ceramics elective, I didn't dabble.

See, I'm sort of a sucker for things that come easily to me. And it's safe to say that while I enjoy Art in all his varieties, I'm no natural artist.

However, in college I decided that doing well at what I'd already done well before wasn't a great way to live. So I took a tiny step into the scary, untested waters of the Dance Class. I just love to dance, but I only have an average natural capacity (Josh would rate my sense of rhythm far below average). I found that with a whole lot of work I could perform, well, averagely, or maybe even a bit above. It was both a humbling and an emancipting experience.

And then I took a Desktop Publishing class as part of my editing minor and realized that I loved design. But so do a billion other people, most of whom have a much better relationship with Art than I do. Not to mention more training and experience. So, while I do dabble, I do so privately and sheepishly for the most part.

My relationship with Art is also complicated by the fact that I'm a natural critic. It's hard for me to turn off my analyzing brain and turn on my creative brain. And analyzing while one creates tends to be detrimental to the creation process. (As Josh knows as I inevitably over-complicate any script he asks for help developing.)

My relationship with Art is further complicated by the fact that my husband is an actual artist--he draws! he paints! he makes music! he photographs! he films! Knowing professional artists like Josh, as well as having several friends who make their living such, has been all the more inhibiting for me. I value education and training a lot. I like being an expert in the things I engage in. And I'm anything but when it comes to Art. I know I don't have the eye they do, I haven't put in the hours they have, etc. Sometimes I feel like fratinizing with Art is even an insult to those people who have the background I lack. I basically feel like an imposter.

Is that a definition for pride?

So, this is what I mean when I say I want to be more purposeful about living artistically: I want to get to know Art again because I really enjoy his company. I think we could have had a pretty meaningful relationship if I hadn't stopped returning his calls in the 9th grade. I want to be okay with the fact that I will probably never excel at any one artistic endeavor, rather than that being a reason to not try at all. I want to do for the joy of doing, and feel like it's worthwhile to climb even if the highest peak is never a realistic goal.

And here's what it means practically:

• I want to get to know my camera. I want to get to know it well enough that it becomes a reliable tool in my hands. I've made it through the owner's manual once and am about to start again, but lots of experimenting (and wider reading) is in order.
  
• I want to learn how to use Adobe Suite better. I feel like a blind person in those programs--I can feel my way around but I don't really know what I'm doing.


• I want to develop my eye. Design and photography blogs have been great for this so far.


• I want to create. I have to admit that the term "craft" used to send shudders through me as visions of toll-painting danced before my eyes. But blogging (and etsy) have made me realize that crafting is a diverse term used to describe a myriad of ways to channel creative energy. While I've always enjoyed knitting and crocheting, I want to begin exploring the world of sewing, quilting, building, and the like. I was very insipred by all of the hand-made gifts I was exposed to last Christmas as well.


• I might even write one or two personal essays that have been slowly coalescing in the back of my mind.


• I want to continue dancing (tap is my favorite so far).


• I want to make my home environment less generic. I want to search out beautiful things that really speak to me and make things that will personalize our living space.

Okay, so that looks a lot like a list. But it's a holistic sort of list that will keep me engaged for years to come.

And, in the vein of that last bullet, here is my growing collection of milk glass from DI accompanied by a fabulous brass branch I snagged at Saver's (more about this form of home decoration to come in my financial post) to top our oh-so-generic Expedit Ikea bookcase.