Milkaholic

[Recently overheard]

Hi, my name is Zoë. I'm a milkaholic.

(Group response: Hi, Zoë.)

At first, I started drinking socially--you know, to hang out with Mommy. You guys know Mommy, right?

But then I started wanting milk all the time: when I was hungry, when I was thirsty, when I was bored, when I got hurt, when I was scared, when I was lonely. You name it.

I drink milk lying down and sitting up.

I'm embarrassed to say that sometimes I even wake up in the middle of the night and drink milk. In bed! In the dark! Sometimes I drink so much that I throw it up afterwards.

Don't try inviting me to a formal event. I'll end up screaming for milk half way through. I've crashed many a Sacrament meeting and concert. I've also made Daddy come home half-way through a shopping trip by pretending I was mortally wounded, when really I just wanted some milk.

I've tried turning to solid food instead, but it's just not the same. I always end up going back to milk. That creamy, warm, delicious . . . what was I saying?

Sometimes I can't leave Mommy's side at all. Because even if I'm not drinking milk, I'm thinking about it and I want to make sure it's available within diving distance.

Anyway, I know that at these meetings, you guys always say I need to turn to a higher power, but all I can say is that the only higher power I know is also my milk supplier!

So, to end, I've been sober for about twenty minutes now, but I don't think it's going to last much longer.

See you next week.

(Lest you get the wrong idea, I love the fact that Zoë is a milkaholic. I don't even mind the night feedings.)