I'm about to broach a topic I don't let my Freshmen write research papers on because it's too overdone--there is little they can add to the conversation and, frankly, I'm sick of reading about it. Have you guessed what it is yet?
That's right: eating disorders and the influence of the media on women's body perceptions.
And I still have nothing new to add to this topic other than some fresh, motherhood-induced worries. Motherhood has done that to a lot of topics for me: things I had figured out intellectually have become fraught with emotion.
It's funny because though I had lost roughly 20 pounds and was at my all time skinniest since high school right before getting pregnant, I'm not especially concerned about getting that skinny again now. I have a newfound respect for my body as something other than a frame for clothes to hang--preferably loosely--on. The fact that it, oh, grew a human and is now the only thing keeping that human alive puts love handles (got those), tummy pooches (got that), and a bigger pants size (still in those) into perspective. In fact, the mere suggestion that too much exercise or too few calories could possibly decrease my milk supply makes me love all this extra padding for what it is--insurance that my body needs to support me and my baby.
But Zoë will not have such biological assurances for many years (if ever), and first she will have to get through fifth grade, when I first realized my butt was bigger than my best friend's and decided that was a problem; junior high, when I realized that skinny was a prerequisite for popular; high school, when I was surrounded with girls either developing an eating disorder or wishing they would; college, when I actually lived with--and constantly compared myself to--the ultra thin; and young adulthood, when my body became just another measure of how successful I was.
How does one stay physically and emotionally healthy through all of that? I know I didn't and I also know that I wasn't alone, not by a long shot. And I grew up in a family that was very careful to not stress physical appearances, dieting, and the like. I had a go-for it mom who loved exercising for the sake of becoming better at whatever activity she was engaged in. I was given opportunities to develop myself in a well-rounded way. I had talents. I had support. I was smart. If this isn't enough to propel oneself out of the mire of crappy body image and a tortured existence with food, what is?
And so it is that I find myself wanting to read yet another research paper on the effects of the media on anorexia nervosa, only this time I want it to answer the questions of my heart. How can I instill in my daughter a love of her body, no matter its shape? How can I convince her that she's beautiful now, without amendment? How can I urge her toward acceptance of that which she can't change and celebration of that which she shouldn't want to? How can I do all these things when I've only so recently started understanding them myself?
Do you know?
15 comments:
Your questions brought tears to my eyes. They are the same ones I so desperately cared about while raising you and D. I don't know the answers. But I do see that although you have struggled and at times succumbed to the 'corporal' illness we women seem to develop, YOU ARE nonetheless IN RECOVERY FROM IT!!! Yeah!!!
I am sure Zoe will have similar challenges but will hopefully find her way in the end. We so want to protect our children from pain but I found it just isn't possible. That is when I pray.
I too don't have the answers. I grew up in a home where eating disorders were (and still are) de rigeur and "image" is something I've struggled with later in life -- when I've supposedly outgrown the peer-pressure years. Although I have yet to procreate, when I think of my YW, a constancy of love and vigilance are what come to mind in supporting them and helping them to battle negative self and body image. As I've thought about it in order to teach the YW, I've come to understand that the negative forces in the universe want us to consider our bodies a burden and not a blessing. Trying to develop a true gratitude for the blessing has helped me to accept. But, it is a process, no?
Gil Wrote:
I am really fascinated by the fact that you discourage the topic of media stereotypes causing eating disorders because you have read too many papers on the topic. That blows me away.
About two years into college I had a cathartic moment where I realized, (insert backwoods accent here) "Well golly geepers, I wonder if all them thar' gals have an eatin' disorder cause' a the media on the Teevee."
I knew that weight was an obsession, but I didn't know that ~90% of women under the age of (insert statistic) had an eating disorder. It was mind boggling.
Now maybe its because I am a guy. Maybe its because I come from 6 or 7 generations of people with the name "Big" in their nickname (big momma, big Poppa, Big Nana, big Tino, big Gil, etc.), because of our generational obesity. But whatever the cause, I had never been exposed to eating disorders.
So although you are sick of reading about it, maybe there are some people just getting exposed to the idea that an eating disorder exists.
Just thought my experience would be helpful.
That's interesting, Gil--next time I teach Freshmen English, perhaps I'll reconsider.
I just realized I used the word Cathartic somewhat out of context. I started to say something different in that paragraph, and then changed it without editing my earlier sentence. I'm only acknowledging it because you are an English professor and I feel sheepish using words out of context.
Maybe you could reconsider, but you have to admit--I really am not worried about my body shape. I exercise not to change my body shape but because I like doing hard things, and in that respect, I'm pretty unique.
Ummm I don't know but when you figure it out you otta tell me because I now after having children have a pretty long list of plastic surgeries I am considering.
Ok so I decided that I would answer my no help stupid A remark with a well thought out more responsible answer.
As I think back upon why I have a not so great body image and why I want to change it I can pinpoint it to a few remarks made by men mostly about me.
Some of these include and I won't give names per chance somehow they stumble upon it.... "Your stomach is bigger than your boobs", or "You have the body of a 13yr old boy", Or "Maybe you should keep breastfeeding."
So now for my advise. I think that as a parent you influence the way that your kids looks at others and themselves immensly. You should be careful of how you explain others and their bodies such as saying "you mean that heavy set guy or your friend with the funny lookin teeth". The most important is how you refer to yourself, your kids, or your spouse. Even my kids being four and two are listening and take note of what Keaka and I say. Keaka often repremands me for saying negative things about my body and reminds me that Keilani is listening. The sad thing is that I didn't even realize I was saying it...
OK well this is getting long so ba bye. And forgive me I don't even have Word on this computer so I can't spell check my comments... sorry I know it's annoying!
You know, Rachel, you are so far ahead of the game on this one and I really admire that. In my husbands family this is an issue. And not with the teenage members of the family. My mother-in-law is 67 years old and obsessesd (not too strong a word) with her weight. She has given birth to 9 children. You would think that those realizations that you have had would have hit her with even more force considering how many more times she has gone through it. Nevertheless this attitude prevails with her and throughout the family. My sister in law is also really focused on her weight, mainly because of her husband and the influence of his mother. Sadly, this issue isn't restricted by age.
Rachel, I would add that although I really tried to never characterize someone by the body size and tried to pass on a healthy attitudes to you and D, I have increasingly struggled with overeating in my life. I struggled with it when you and D. were teens and I am struggling now. I consider it an eating disorder because it makes me feel kind of numb and calm when I do it and I hate myself after, when I am too full-like a true addict who can't control herself. The battle rages on!!!
However, I am more at ease with my body now than I ever have been. Funny how being 52 can be freeing, but am more aware than ever how it dampens and diminishes my spirit and my interest in relationships and life when I overeat. So, although I never professed it, I have struggled very much with this problem and consider it an eating disorder.
Great post and great comments. I remember thinking I was fat in high school, when I was running an average of 6 miles per day and probably weighed just over 100 lbs. I was embarrassed to be seen in a swimsuit and hated to look at myself in the mirror (because of the chubbiness). I wish I could go back in time and give myself a good talking-to. And then there was my freshman year of college when I could polish off a loaf of bread in a single day and the freshman 15 turned into the freshman 40. Someday I should tell you how I earned the nickname "Fatty McPink Pants." ;)
I've swung back and forth between these two extremes, hoping to come to rest somewhere in the middle. I think I'm getting close but I still have moments of weakness. Since I started jogging again I haven't lost any weight but have felt stronger and healthier, which helps me feel better about how I look, but yesterday while jogging I happened to notice another jogger coming toward me, who was tall and model-thin. The sight of her made me feel inadequate and inferior (and fat). It's definitely an ongoing struggle and I don't think I know anyone who hasn't experienced it (men, too). I'm with you, I want my (future) children to be more confident than I was (am) and to be above all of this crazy image stuff, but I don't know if I'm the best teacher in that regard.
BTW last time I saw you I remember being impressed at how great you looked after just having a baby.
Rachel-
I just found your blog! I have a lot to say on the subject (having been in MDT and all,) but I'm pressed for time at the moment, but I will come back with an AMAZING (or just OK) response soon.
Laurel
PS
Have you found the blog: "Seriously, so blessed" yet? I think you would like it :)
Just to clarify I don't hate men and think they are the problem... I just realized that the three examples that I gave all happened to be give by men.
This is pretty deep. I ask those same questions in the last paragraph to myself.
I also have a new found respect for my body after pregnancy and childbirth. I will (almost) never again look at my stomach and be angry that it sticks out more than I think it should. It now pokes out all the time and it is a nice reminder that my sweet Mabel once lived in there.
I have the same concerns for my daughter. Eating disorders are something that they will be exposed to, without a doubt. I guess the only thing we can do is try to give them the tools they will need to overcome these issues. Some women face them their entire lives, so we can try to expose them to enough positive examples of a healthy body image and hope that they can internalize these ideas.
It is scary to think that one day our daughters may have to deal with those same issues that we once struggled with.
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