Jailbird

So most of yesterday was a normal Sunday--church, family dinner, and the like--until Josh got arrested. And taken to jail. And bailed out (by me.)

What happened
Our registration had expired this month and we needed new brake pads before we renewed it. We weren't able to schedule a garage visit in (having only one car) until today. So of course we got pulled over last night on our way home from Josh's grandparents' house. After running his license, the cop asked him to step out of the car and onto the sidewalk. By this time, another officer had pulled up. He explained to me that there was a 2005 warrant out of Josh's arrest for a traffic violation. The two cops arresting Josh didn't even tell him that much--they said they had no idea what the warrant was for; they had assumed he would know (which he of course didn't). One of the officers then asks me, "Do you have a valid driver's license so that you can drive this vehicle when we take your husband in?" I'm thinking, "take him in?!" He explained that unless I had $650 cash on me, they were going to have to book him. Well, rarely do I have even $6 cash on me, so I realized jail for Josh it would be.

Meanwhile, Josh has no idea what's going on. He thinks he'll be able to give the officers a credit card number and leave. Then they ask him to turn around and put one hand up across his back. It then dawned on him that they were arresting him! Handcuffs and all, I got to have a brief conversation with my husband, who was seated in the back of a police car. I said "I'll follow you to the jail, honey." We were both laughing at the absurdity of it all.

On the way to the jail, the officers transporting Josh remarked on the deserted rural street they were driving: "I bet you think we're driving you out here to get rid of you." Josh: "No, I hadn't thought of that, actually, but thanks....I guess it would be a lot less paperwork for you guys." Josh sort of regretted that last remark. The officers were nice guys though and were talking and joking most of the way. Meanwhile, Josh was name dropping like mad--trying to think of anyone he knew from high school that we now a police officer. He made some connections. They decided to drop the registration ticket ("to not add insult to injury.")

When Josh arrives at the jail, he is led into a room with a "demolition pad," which is basically just a padded wall. He is asked to stand against it and does so with his back to the wall. The booking officer (a different guy with a much less sunny disposition) says, "face to the demolition pad!" Josh: "This is going to be bad."

At this point I should say that what follows may sound like the words of a sarcastic, wise-cracking criminal with a bad attitude. The lines were not delivered in any such spirit, however. Instead, Josh said that his tone was very jovial--that he couldn't help trying to joke around a bit, despite the unresponsiveness of his audience. So read no disrespect into what follows.

Booking officer: "Do you have any enemies that we need to keep you away from in jail?"
Josh: "Yes. All prisoners are my enemies. Please keep me away from any and all criminals."
Booking officer: "Are there any sharp objects on your person?"
Josh: "Yes, these handcuffs are very sharp and digging into my wrists."
Booking officer: "Oh, good. We like that. Any medical conditions we should be aware of?"
Josh: "I'm allergic to cats."
Booking officer: "We've got about 10 of those wandering around here."
Josh: "Well, my eyes are going to be itching out of control."
Booking officer: "Do you have any drugs on you?"
Josh: "I've never done drugs in my life."
Booking officer: "Do you have any needle marks on your body?"
Josh: "No."
Booking officer: "Do you expect to be suffering from any withdrawals during your stay here?"
Josh: "Withdrawals from what?!"

But the booking officer never cracked a smile.

Then it was on to finger printing (they're digital now), a mug shot for which Josh tried to look nice and smiley, though it didn't quite turn out that way, and the drunk tank. That's right, while they were finishing his paperwork, he had to hang out with two drunks. One was sleeping on a phone book, making Josh glad he didn't need it to look up any numbers, and the other seemed to be watching a baseball game but was actually staring at a wall.

Meanwhile, I've been waiting in this ugly, cramped lobby for at least 45 minutes waiting to post bail on my credit card. I decided against the bail bond companies, especially the ones labeled "Rebel Bonds" and "Bad-boy Bonds." As a side note, bond companies tailor to very specific groups of customers. Other titles included "Sportsman's bonds" and "Beehive bonds." I finally see Josh's mugshot come up on the computer screen--a rather surreal experience--hand over my credit card, and finally see him through 4 panes of glass on the other side of the office. We exit through separate doors and are united at last!

The explanation
Josh's version: Josh thinks this whole thing must be a mistake. The warrant was for the county, not a city, which means that it would have had to have been a highway ticket, and he's never been pulled over on the highway. Plus, just last year he got a new driver's license, a new passport, and changed his middle name. He thinks someone would have noticed a warrant at least one of those times. He'll find out when he appears in court November 14.

Rachel's version: Though Josh has never been pulled over on the highway, I remembered that he had received a ticket on the highway in 2005 when the movie truck he was driving literally blew up (he actually had to drop and roll away from the vehicle, which was flaming). Needless to say, he got a ticket. And the production company promised to take care of that ticket. I'm guessing they never did... I'll find out if I'm right when Josh appears in court November 14. And then we'll get the production company to pay for the lovely ticket (we were promised that the bail money will be refunded).

In the end, Josh thought the whole experience was pretty fun. He had a big huge smile on his face as he left the jail--a great story to tell and more fodder/research for movies...